The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
