don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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