We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
