my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
