Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
