You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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