So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize