jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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