Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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