It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
