captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
