I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
