last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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