I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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