that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
