ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
