Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I AM VODKA MAN
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
