the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I could fuck to npr.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
