FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
