dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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