So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i think i just lost a toe
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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