If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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