and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
