At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Found your dick twin last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
