apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
