Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
