thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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