I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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