On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize