Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
