I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
