All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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