i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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