Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
