i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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