My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
