there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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