Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
