Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize