Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
