Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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