im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
