My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize