i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Randomize
