Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
