she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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