Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I licked your asshole in confidence.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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