I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize