he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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