you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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