He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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