drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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