In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
