Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
