I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize