If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
