I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize