DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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