Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
