Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
