I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
