Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
