Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
