see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
