As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
