make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
