you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
