I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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