Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
