her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
