Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
