she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i am craving dick and cupcakes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
