He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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