Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
