Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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