Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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