clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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