I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
there is glitter all over my balls
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
