how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Even my vagina gasped.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
