sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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