it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
