He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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