You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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