Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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