I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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