I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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