dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
