Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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