Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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