After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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