hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
