I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
