i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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