That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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