How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
