come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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