I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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