just survived the first fart of the relationship.
where am i from again
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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