i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize