i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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