I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
