I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
