So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
