Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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