I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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