i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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