apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize