I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
