i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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