we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize