im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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