if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
