You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
