Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Mom said you looked used
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
