I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
