im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
