I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
